So how did this whole thing come about? What caused me to reach out to my wife's best friend and begin this relationship? Would you believe dreams?
For about a month and a half prior to the relationship beginning I had dreams about the mistress. These dreams ranged from innocent and playful to downright hardcore. I could not get these images out of my head whenever she came around. I convinced myself that the reason I am having these dreams is because this is what I am supposed to do.
With the confidence that I was supposed to get with the mistress, I playfully one day, made a comment about her kissing me as she was leaving my house. We teased each other about her coming back inside and getting a kiss. Soon she left for her home. I was not done!
My wife came home and I found a way to get out of the house almost immediately. I called the mistress and asked to come by and talk with her. We stood in her kitchen and chatted. Before long we kissed. The supposed "dream" was becoming a reality...and I didn't care about anyone else.
Looking back, I cannot believe that selfishness caused me to do what I did. An affair is one thing. An affair with your wife's best friend is another. But an affair with your wife's best friend for almost 3 years...that's the ultimate in me, me, me. The dreams that I had made it seem as if that is where I needed to be. I believed them. One scary thing to me is that Satan truly uses ANYTHING at his disposal to get to you.
Have I had dreams again of the mistress? Yes I have. However, none of these dreams are of a sexual nature. The dreams are primarily of her being mad at me and me wondering how she is doing. As my counselor has stated, I have to be on-guard at all times. The moment I let some seemingly innocent dream guide me, I could be back where I was. That's not a place I EVER want to be again...
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Monday, August 6, 2007
Cheating 101
I decided to write a little bit about the ways I was able to cheat on my wife and keep her from finding out. I hope that in my sharing these I can help you catch a cheater. If you are reading this to find ways to cheat, well, I hope you continue to read my blog because I will, hopefully, convince you its not worth it.
There are a couple of items that helped me cheat and enabled me to perform the tasks that I will discuss. First being trust. My wife felt there was no need for her to worry about me. She trusted me explicitly. She felt she had me for life. After all, for quite a while I was very active in our church and I spent my days caring for my kids while my wife worked.
Second, was the fact that I am "computer savvy". I used this ability to keep my wife further in the dark. I used a computer operating system that allowed me to create two accounts with mine having full control and hers having minimal access. From here I was able to do whatever I wanted to electronically and never have to share that information.
Here are some of the methods I used (in no particular order)
1. Find someone that you can trust enough to cheat with. Sounds easy right? If your spouse spends a great deal of time with someone of the opposite sex, then its very likely that your spouse trusts that person and vice versa. Once trust is established, there becomes a need to share your innermost thoughts, feelings and desires. This sharing is common in friendship right? It shouldn't be occurring if one or both of the parties is married.
I learned that my wife's best friend was unhappy in her marriage. I found this out because our daughters played together often and she would come by the house to drop off/pick up her child. From casual conversation this information was given to me. It also didn't help that I am quite the flirt and I am sure that led to the initial attraction that led to the trust.
As the affair continued, I knew that this person wouldn't share that we were doing this. Because of that it allowed me to cover many tracks because I was able to use my wife's best friend as an agent of mine.
2. Cell Phone Records / Email /Internet Usage- I had our cell phones (mine and my wife's) on one account. However, the mistress would call me on that phone and call block the number. On Cingular, now AT&T's bill, this shows up as your cell phone number. Combine that with not allowing my wife access to the bill and voila! Not getting caught that way. I should also mention the mistress's husband had no access to her cell phone bills either. Once again the trust issues allowed for us to hide this.
In regards to email, the mistress would send me emails to my personal account for two reasons. One she would be mad at me and needed to vent or wanted to talk dirty. Two because she knew my wife had zero access to my email. That gave another way of communcation and continuance of the affair without interferring in our day to day life.
Internet usage was a factor with me because in between my Window with my wife and my times with the mistress, I would watch porn. That is a section for another post alone.
3. Be Great Actors - The misstress and I saw each other every Wednesday and Sunday at church and at other social events. We would make comments to one another in front of our spouses and friends just because we knew we could and no one was more the wiser. As I stated before I am quite the flirt. If you heard me flirting chances are you would pay it no mind.
This aspect REALLY bothered the mistress but I excelled in this arena. After all, I was getting what I wanted and not having to do much other than pretend to want more from the mistress.
There are other ways I was able to pull this off but, quite frankly, trust helped for all of these to happen without getting caught.
There are a couple of items that helped me cheat and enabled me to perform the tasks that I will discuss. First being trust. My wife felt there was no need for her to worry about me. She trusted me explicitly. She felt she had me for life. After all, for quite a while I was very active in our church and I spent my days caring for my kids while my wife worked.
Second, was the fact that I am "computer savvy". I used this ability to keep my wife further in the dark. I used a computer operating system that allowed me to create two accounts with mine having full control and hers having minimal access. From here I was able to do whatever I wanted to electronically and never have to share that information.
Here are some of the methods I used (in no particular order)
1. Find someone that you can trust enough to cheat with. Sounds easy right? If your spouse spends a great deal of time with someone of the opposite sex, then its very likely that your spouse trusts that person and vice versa. Once trust is established, there becomes a need to share your innermost thoughts, feelings and desires. This sharing is common in friendship right? It shouldn't be occurring if one or both of the parties is married.
I learned that my wife's best friend was unhappy in her marriage. I found this out because our daughters played together often and she would come by the house to drop off/pick up her child. From casual conversation this information was given to me. It also didn't help that I am quite the flirt and I am sure that led to the initial attraction that led to the trust.
As the affair continued, I knew that this person wouldn't share that we were doing this. Because of that it allowed me to cover many tracks because I was able to use my wife's best friend as an agent of mine.
2. Cell Phone Records / Email /Internet Usage- I had our cell phones (mine and my wife's) on one account. However, the mistress would call me on that phone and call block the number. On Cingular, now AT&T's bill, this shows up as your cell phone number. Combine that with not allowing my wife access to the bill and voila! Not getting caught that way. I should also mention the mistress's husband had no access to her cell phone bills either. Once again the trust issues allowed for us to hide this.
In regards to email, the mistress would send me emails to my personal account for two reasons. One she would be mad at me and needed to vent or wanted to talk dirty. Two because she knew my wife had zero access to my email. That gave another way of communcation and continuance of the affair without interferring in our day to day life.
Internet usage was a factor with me because in between my Window with my wife and my times with the mistress, I would watch porn. That is a section for another post alone.
3. Be Great Actors - The misstress and I saw each other every Wednesday and Sunday at church and at other social events. We would make comments to one another in front of our spouses and friends just because we knew we could and no one was more the wiser. As I stated before I am quite the flirt. If you heard me flirting chances are you would pay it no mind.
This aspect REALLY bothered the mistress but I excelled in this arena. After all, I was getting what I wanted and not having to do much other than pretend to want more from the mistress.
There are other ways I was able to pull this off but, quite frankly, trust helped for all of these to happen without getting caught.
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